She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
where are my eyebrows?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
