He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
