We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
