Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
