I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
