I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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