His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
