I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
