Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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