I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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