Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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