Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
