Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
did i walk over a car last night?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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