You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
