Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
