Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
