I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
