that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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