My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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