I don't usually arrange sex via text message
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
