i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
