I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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