drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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