im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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