I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
