Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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