He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
