Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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