so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
