We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
