So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
