I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
