boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
