I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
