Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
