My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
