Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
