I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
