Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
