we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
