last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you had me at cake vodka
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
