as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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