I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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