I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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