someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
