You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
