I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
