the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
