Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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