her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
