Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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