you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
